Monday, their first full day at camp, Jane and I spent a blissful, unfettered, unstructured day in Portland. I was able to catch the early showing of the latest Batman movie without first needing to go through complicated negotiations with her about childcare duties.
The next day I woke up with a disquieting feeling. One would think that a week of reprieve from being a parent would be cause for celebration. But, being a dad is such a big part of my daily routine that being cut off from any direct contact with the kids, I felt rudderless without any clear sense of purpose. It wasn't clear to me at first why I felt so melancholy. I think it was because for the first time in their lives, they will be making decisions on how to spend their time and who to spend it with. They will be eating, sleeping, and interacting day and night with unfamiliar peers, trying to belong, but being unclear on how best to make that happen.
When I was their age, and even into adulthood, thrown into similar situations, I would usually withdraw inward and count the days until the end of the ordeal. My worst fears are that one or both of them would be feeling the same as I had, experiencing difficulties bonding and connecting with the other campers, feeling that they don't really belong, and eventually finding themselves on the outside looking in.
Fortunately, later in the day, the camp staff posted pictures of campers on their Facebook page. I felt a great wave of relief washed over me when I saw pictures of Rachel and Josiah smiling, engaging, and very much immersing themselves into the whole Camp Lutherwood experience.
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